I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
