I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
