You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
