in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
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