Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
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I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
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my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize