i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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