i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
