I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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