Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Are my feet made of real feet?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
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