I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
