The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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