you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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