i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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