we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize