Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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