Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
