you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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