Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
