I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
