Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
