I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
