so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
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I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
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7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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