using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
