He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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