if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
