You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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