Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I think I just sharted jello shots
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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