just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
