My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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