I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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