those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
