I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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