I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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