We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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