I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
