proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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