her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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