so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
