Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
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She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
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Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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