OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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