but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
