I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
