He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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