theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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