I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
it's great music for shaving your balls
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
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