Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
