god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
