I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
