Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
