I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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