ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
