just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
