My hair reeks of homosexuality.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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