apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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