did you get engaged???
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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