She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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