dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
