Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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