I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
