I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Randomize
