Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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